Not Quite Him
by foreverx
Summary: On the parallel Earth, the duplicate Doctor and Rose come to terms with being left behind by the "proper" Doctor. This story is a Missing Scene for "Journey's End" picking up at the moment the TARDIS takes off.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:** On the parallel Earth, the duplicate Doctor and Rose come to terms with being left behind by the "proper" Doctor. This story is a Missing Scene for "Journey's End" picking up at the moment the TARDIS takes off.

**Not Quite Him** - Chapter 1

He was gone. Just like that. No good-byes, no hugs, just...gone. Rose felt movement at her side as a cool hand slipped into her open palm. Her fingers automatically interlocked with his as they looked to each other, neither knowing what to say about what had just happened. Behind them, Jackie watched and waited to see how her daughter would react to being left behind by the Doctor.

Rose stared back at the spot where the TARDIS had once stood. "I can't believe he just...left," she uttered despondently.

"I'm sorry," the man standing beside her offered an apology for the other Doctor's unexpected departure.

Rose looked at him, feeling his hand tighten slightly around hers in a silent gesture of understanding and commitment. She considered pulling her hand away but realized that it would be interpreted as a sign of rejection. It wasn't his fault that her real Doctor had turned tail and ran. She thought at first that it had been because of the kiss. She had kissed this Doctor and the next thing she knew, the TARDIS was dematerializing. It didn't take long to realize that the decision to abandon her had been made well in advance. The Doctor had decided to give her away to his half-human clone without ever asking for her opinion. The clone seemed okay with the decision but at the same time, worried that he would not be welcomed into her life.

Rose glanced down at their joined hands and for lack of anything else to say, softly murmured, "Your hand's kinda cold."

"Sorry," he apologized for the cool touch, but didn't bother to let go. "I don't have the ability to regulate my body temperature like before," he was quick to explain. "But, you know that old saying, 'cold hands, warm heart'."

"Only one heart," said Rose, sounding a bit sad.

"Yeah, but it's much bigger on the inside," the Doctor said with a wide grin.

His smile -- as always -- was infectious and Rose couldn't help but respond with one of her own. He held out his arms in an open invitation and she fell into them for a proper hug. Seeing that her daughter wasn't about to go to pieces over the loss of the other Doctor, Jackie pulled out her phone and made a call to her husband to inform him of their present situation. After a brief explanation of the circumstances, Pete assured her that a taxi would be sent to pick them up and take them to the nearest 5-star hotel. They would simply have to walk the half mile from the beach to the main road. After relaying the news to Rose and the Doctor, Jackie continued her conversation with Pete on the phone, filling him in on all the details of their journey to her old world. As she walked several yards ahead, Rose and the Doctor trailed slowly behind, side-by-side with hands intertwined.

"Why didn't he want us with him?" Rose asked the question which had plagued her mind from the instant she watched the TARDIS disappear.

"You heard him."

"He said you needed looking after, that you were dangerous. But what you did -- destroying the Daleks -- there was no other choice. Was there?"

"I didn't see one. Although, I have to admit, I didn't really take the time to think of any other solutions. I just wanted it over. I mean, they were destroying all of creation. How could I stand by and do nothing? How could he?"

"That Darvos bloke was right then," said Rose, realizing the truth of the matter. "The doctor doesn't have to kill, because he surrounds himself with people who are willing to do it for him. Kill for him and die for him."

"I have never wanted people to kill for me, Rose!" the Doctor defended himself vehemently. "And I've certainly never wanted anyone to die for me."

She looked at him in surprise. "I forget that quick. You're really him, aren't you?"

"I was him," he corrected her. "We've diverged. He's still the Doctor and I'm...not quite the Doctor. I'm someone else now. Something else. I still feel like a Time Lord...a Time Lord without a TARDIS."

"Will you be all right without her?"

"Oh, I'll be right as rain," the Doctor spoke confidently. He had no choice but to pretend. He was missing that special connection with the old girl already. There was an emptiness in both his mind and heart that would most likely never be filled. Maybe I could get a puppy.... Okay, that had to be a Donna thought there.

"And it wasn't because I kissed you," said Rose, talking to herself more than the man next to her.

"Pardon?" the Doctor raised his brow in confusion.

"He'd already decided before he brought us here that he was dumping us both. He just didn't want us on board anymore. Or maybe he just didn't want me."

"No, that's not it," the Doctor jumped in. "Trust me. He...I...we... want you, very much. But the one thing that he...that I...that we...."

"Just say what feels right," Rose suggested. "I'll understand."

"Right. Well...the number one thing that I've always wanted, Rose, is for you to be safe. Unfortunately, I've done a lousy job at keeping you out of harm's way, and it's only been by sheer luck or someone else's quick thinking -- including your own -- that you've managed to survive while traveling with me. Anyway, it's more about keeping you safe than keeping you close. I...he felt that your life would always be in jeopardy as long as you traveled with him, and he couldn't bare the thought of being responsible for getting you killed."

"I can take care of myself. I think I've proven that enough times already."

"Yes, yes you have. And you see, that's the thing. You shouldn't have to. You shouldn't have to always be fighting for your life or running for your life, or losing your face."

"But it should have been my decision, yeah?" Rose raised her voice angrily as she pulled her hand away from his and folded her arms across her chest. "It should have been my choice whether I want to keep running for my life, not his!"

"Oh, so you'd rather have traveled with him a while longer until some alien being or human idiot forces you into a situation where it's either your life or the Doctor's and, of course, you being Rose Tyler, girl hero, would choose to sacrifice yourself to protect the Doctor."

"I love him," Rose's voice cracked with tears threatening to flow. Her steps faltered and she came to a complete stop.

"And he loves you," The Doctor insisted as he moved to stand directly in front of her, placing his hands gently on her arms.

"Then why did he leave me? I thought we had something special. But he just walked away like I meant nothing to him. Is it Donna? Does he like her more?"

"No, Donna was just my best mate. You...you're much more than that to me, and to him. It's not because he doesn't love you. Never ever think that. It took a lot for him to walk away. Believe me, it wasn't an easy thing for him to do."

"Would he have done it if you weren't around?"

"No," the Doctor answered without hesitation.

"So, what, he thought he was doing me a favor? Thought he'd leave a copy of himself with me and I'd be fine with that?"

"He wanted you safe."

"What makes him think I'll be any safer in this world? For all he knows, a Zeppelin could fall from the sky and crash right on top of me."

"But he wouldn't have to watch!" He wished he could have taken the words back immediately, but they were already out there. He let his hands fall away from her as he took a step back.

Rose stared at him hard, but was unable to catch his eyes which were looking everywhere but at her. "So it's that then. Still can't handle watching me grow old, wither and die."

"Except you're jeopardy friendly," the Doctor pointed out while making eye contact again, "and the odds that you'll live long enough to ever grow old are next to nil. Rose, that day back at Torchwood when you lost your grip on the lever and was being sucked into the Void.... That was one of the most terrifying moments of my life. If Pete hadn't popped in and grabbed you...." He shuddered at the memory. "You don't know how often that scene has played back in my mind. And in my nightmares, the outcome is much worse. I've watched so many people die, Rose. So many innocent...." He looked away, unable to finish the thought.

Rose studied his face for a moment, seeing in his wide, dark eyes the depth of his despair. "Back when we were on the Crucible, that Darvos creep was taunting the Doctor about exposing his soul. Not sure what all was going on there, but at one point, the Doctor got this terrible, sad look on his face. Same look that's on yours now." She reached a hand up to caress his cheek. The Doctor closed his eyes momentarily and leaned into her touch.

"Been a bit rough then?"

"Just a bit," the Doctor nodded, then took hold of her hand and kissed it lightly. "I was lost without you, Rose. There were times I didn't want to go on anymore. If it hadn't been for Martha and Donna coming into my life at just the right moment, I don't know what would have become of me. They kept me going. But still, I always thought of you, always wanting you there to hold my hand instead of Martha; wanting to see your wonderful smile instead of Donna's. But then, I would stop and think...well at least she didn't die in the Void. She may not be here with me, but at least she's alive. She's over in that parallel world, making new friends, doing great things, and having a fantastic life."

Rose shook her head in disagreement. "It hasn't been fantastic. How could it be without you here?"

"Quite right," said the Doctor with a ghost of a smile, looking exactly the way he had when he'd said good-bye to her a couple of years earlier.

Rose began toying with the lapel of his jacket. "This blue suit's gonna take a little getting use to."

The doctor shrugged lightly, "Oh, it's not so different from the brown suit. Same basic design and fit, don't you think?"

"But the brown's the one I fell in love with," Rose replied, knowing that neither of them were referring to the suit.

"I thought you fell in love with the black, leather jacket." He saw a look of surprise, then realization fill her eyes as her hand slipped away from his lapel.

"You knew I was in love with you back then?"

"Well, you risked your life for me on numerous occasions, dumped your boyfriend and quite often put me ahead of your own mother. Be kind of hard to miss the clues."

"Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"Oh, nine-hundred-year-old Time Lord, nineteen-year-old Earth girl. Didn't want to be known as that dirty old alien, did I?"

"That the only reason?"

"Well, I was a little terrified," he was reluctant to admit. "What I felt for you scared me because I knew it wasn't normal. Normal for me, that is. Besides, I figured it was just temporary, that it'd fade in time."

"Has it?"

"No, just the opposite."

"And he feels the same way?"

"Yes."

"And he still left me," Rose sighed.

The Doctor dug his hands into his pockets and stared down at the sandy ground. "I'm sorry," he apologized.

"What have you got to be sorry about? It's not your fault. None of it. You just came into being a few hours ago."

"I'm sorry you're unhappy with the situation. I suppose it was a bit presumptuous to think that I could just step in and try to take his place. Even though I still think like him and look like him, I'm not him. Like you said, I'm just a copy. I don't even have a TARDIS. Won't be able to take you out there anymore." He nodded towards the sky above. "Which, I suppose goes along with that whole trying to keep you safe rationalization." He sighed dejectedly as his hand rubbed the back of his neck. "No larger than life adventures, no exploring alien planets, no history as it happens, no running for our lives...." He paused to think about that for a second and grimaced. "Blimey, that sounds perfectly boring, doesn't it?"

A tiny smile curved Rose's lips. "Yeah, it does a bit," she said, her spirits lifting as she studied the pouting man in front of her. "I don't know. Maybe we can find a few small adventures to keep us from going mad with boredom."

"Maybe we can," the Doctor smiled. He stepped closer and encouraged by the agreeable look in Rose's eyes, leaned in for a kiss that was unfortunately interrupted by the high-pitched nasally voice of an impatient mother.

"Oi! You two!" Jackie yelled at them from several yards away. "Enough of your dawdling! Come on, we've got a taxi to meet."

The Doctor gave Rose a quick peck on the lips before taking her hand and turning to continue their trek along the beach.

"At least he'll have Donna to keep him company," Rose commented, now a bit more accepting of her other Doctor's decision. "She was really nice. Wish I could have spent more time with her. And Martha, too. Oh, and it was great to see Jack again! You never did say why we couldn't go back for him. I thought that maybe he had died back on the Game Station and you were just afraid to tell me. And then I thought the Daleks had killed him on the Crucible, but it turns out he was just faking it. He's such a character."

That was something he didn't have the courage to tell her, the truth about Jack. But he felt that he needed to tell her. He didn't want to start off a brand new relationship based on lies or secrets. Blimey, that must be the Donna part of his brain kicking in again. Right, he'd tell her. She deserved to know.

"We've got a lot of catching up to do," he said. "A lot to talk about."

"Yeah, I know. I want to hear everything you've been doing. All the places you've gone and the people you've met, and all the lives you've saved."

"What makes you think I saved anyone?"

"It's what you do."

"It's what I try to do. Doesn't always work out."

"You can tell me about it later over a cup of tea."

The Doctor simply nodded. The two of them walked on in silence, both their minds filled with questions to ask, confessions to make and apprehensions about their future together.

to be continued


	2. Chapter 2

**Not Quite Him - Part 2**

The hotel was only four miles away, so the taxi ride was brief. Jackie was still on the phone but no longer speaking to Pete. Instead, she was trading baby talk with little Tony, letting him know that Mommy missed him and she was coming home very soon. As she began singing her son a lullaby, Rose and the Doctor shared shy smiles over hearing this softer, gentler side of Jackie Tyler. Even though her thoughts had mostly been focused on her own phone conversations, Jackie still managed to pay attention to what was going on around her. She saw that her daughter was in silent turmoil over losing the original Doctor and being settled with the duplicate. She also saw that the half-human Doctor was nervous about his new life in a different world. She didn't suppose that either would have an easy time of adjusting, but knew they'd simply have to make the best of the situation.

Once they got to the hotel, they were informed that there would be at least an hour wait before any rooms were available. That gave them time to have a cup of tea and a bite to eat in the hotel restaurant. Sensing that the reunited couple had a lot to talk about, but no intentions of doing it in front of her, Jackie found herself dominating the conversation. She decided to tell the Doctor – in great detail -- all about her marriage to Pete and the ensuing birth of her son. Those were two subjects she never tired of talking about and the lighthearted topic seemed to put everyone at ease. Despite the lack of alien intervention, scientific gadgetry or explosions, the Doctor nonetheless seemed to enjoy hearing about her wedding day. He did a little bit of frowning during the birthing story, uncomfortable imagining Jackie with her legs propped open, but he laughed at all the appropriate moments and seemed genuinely happy for her.

Living in the parallel world had been a positive experience for the elder Tyler despite the culture shock. It took a while to get use to certain aspects, and some things she would never get use to, but the important part was that she had herself a complete family. All she wished for now was for her daughter to be happy again. Rose had blossomed back on the old Earth when she first met the Doctor. No one and nothing was more important to her than that strange alien who took her far, far from home and constantly endangered her life. Now, he was back, almost. As they sat at the round table for four, eating and chatting, Jackie noticed the look on her child's face. The lips may have been smiling but the eyes weren't. The eyes said that she was still missing her Doctor. Jackie felt sorry for all involved; the real Doctor that had walked away, the half-human one gazing longingly at the girl to his right, and Rose, trapped in the wrong world with the wrong Doctor.

The hour went by quickly as well as a second one before they realized it. Jackie led the way back to the lobby and the check-in desk. She didn't bother to ask if the two people on her heels wanted to share a room. She could tell by the way the Doctor had grabbed onto Rose's hand at every opportunity that he did not want to be separated from her. And Rose had already made it perfectly clear that once she was reunited with the Doctor, she would never leave his side again. Even though this wasn't the original Doctor, Jackie felt that he was more than a fair substitute. The two definitely needed some alone time to talk things over. Hopefully, things would work themselves out.

On the way up in the elevator, Jackie laid out her plans for the rest of the evening. She was going to take a long, hot bath then wrap herself up in one of the hotel's fluffy robes, send her clothes out for overnight laundry, then settle in with a good movie. As she reached her room, Jackie reminded her followers that Pete would be arriving in the company Zeppelin by late morning to take them back home. They didn't have to rush, but it wasn't an invitation for them to sleep the morning away. Before entering her room Jackie turned and gave Rose a knowing look, silently offering her daughter an opportunity to voice any concerns she had about their sleeping arrangements. Apparently, there weren't any.

"G'night, Mum. We'll see you in the morning," said Rose as she gave her mother a quick hug and peck on the cheek.

"G'night, sweetheart." Jackie looked to the Doctor and said, "You behave yourself, mister, and don't go doing anything stupid."

"My plan exactly," the Doctor assured her with a tiny smile.

Satisfied with that response, Jackie retired to her room. The Doctor followed Rose two doors down the hall to their evening's accommodations. Once inside, she needed to use the loo and quickly headed for the bathroom, requesting needlessly that he not go anywhere. The Doctor walked about the room casually looking it over. It had two full-sized beds, leaving them options of sleeping separately or cuddling up in just one bed. They had only slept together a few times. Well, not actually slept. Rose had slept while he had laid awake and watched her. There had never been any improper contact because he had never viewed her as a sex object. Thoughts of intimacy, at times, had entered his mind but he knew better than to act upon them. Rose had been little more than a child when she traveled with him. Now she was a woman. He could see the changes in her. She was more mature, wore less makeup, her dark roots were nicely hidden, and she had carried... a gun. He'd almost forgotten about the giant Torchwood bazooka she had been carrying while running down the middle of the road to greet him.

As she stepped outside of the bathroom, he pointed an accusing finger at her. "YOU...were carrying a gun!"

"What?"

"When we met on the street, you had a very large gun with you."

"Yeah, I did. Mickey showed me how to use it. Oh, Mickey!" Rose sighed at the thought of her friend on the other side of the Void, and mentally kicked herself for just now realizing she wouldn't be seeing him again. "I'm going to miss him. He was really a great friend, putting up with my obsession of getting back to you."

"Why did you feel the need to learn to use a gun?" The Doctor asked, still on a rant. "Oh, please tell me you didn't kill anyone with it."

"Never got the chance, actually."

"But you would have?"

"Only in self-defense. We knew the Darkness was coming. We didn't know what it was but we wanted to be prepared to combat it."

"And you figured using a gun was the best way?"

Rose folded her arms defensively across her chest. "Yeah, well, we can't all be born with the natural ability to destroy our enemies with cleverness." She instantly regretted saying those words and wished she could have traveled back in time to prevent herself from doing so. "I'm sorry," she quickly apologized. "I didn't mean--"

"No, it's okay," said the Doctor softly. He realized he had no right to criticize others for potential acts of violence considering his own track record. He plopped down on the foot of one of the beds and stared down grimly at his opened palms. "Oh, Rose, there's so much blood on my hands. I'm so very tired of all the killing. It never ends. So many died and it's all my fault. He's right. I _do_ need help.... Please, help me not to kill anyone else."

Rose knelt down on the floor in front of him and covered his hands with hers. "Don't, Doctor. It's all right. What you did, like you said, there was no other choice. The Daleks would have destroyed all of creation."

"I'm not...it's not just the Daleks. Pompeii...that was me. It was me. It was me." Tears began to flow then as his body shook with choking sobs. Rose stood up and wrapped her arms around him, planting kisses atop his head and rubbing his back in a comforting motion. She was confused at first by his Pompeii comment. But the meaning quickly sank in and she held him tighter, feeling his arms encircle her as if holding on for dear life. It took a few minutes for him to calm down and his sobbing to end. Finally, he took in a deep, composing breath and pulled gently away.

"Better?" Rose asked, caressing his face while trying and failing to get him to look her in the eyes. He nodded and blew out a sigh.

"Fine. I'm fine now. Sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"Got your front all wet there," he gestured towards the fabric covering her chest now dampened with his tears.

Rose glanced down, then shook her head. "Doesn't matter. It'll dry soon enough." She sat down beside him, wrapping an arm around his back as her left hand rested on his bicep. "So Pompeii was you?"

He nodded. "And Donna. Oh, poor Donna. I was only trying to give her a bit of a holiday in ancient Rome. But my calculations were off just a bit and we landed in Pompeii...on Volcano Day. Not a time and place I would have ever chosen to visit on purpose."

"So, what happened?"

"There was a race of aliens -- Pyroviles-- who had lost their own planet, one of the 29 that Darvos stole, and they decided that they would just take over planet Earth. The volcano wasn't originally going to erupt, but I used their technology to make it happen, because apparently, as far as Earth's history records were concerned, I had already done just that."

"And you didn't remember doing it?"

"How could I? I hadn't done it yet, not in my own timeline."

"It's all that traveling back and forth in time, yeah?"

"Right. History says that the volcano erupted on that day and as many as twenty thousand people perished as a result. If I had changed that, billions more would have died at the hands of the Pyroviles and Earth as we know it would no longer exist."

"So you saved the world, again."

"I saved the world...but at what cost?"

"But you didn't have any other choice."

"Oh, there's always a choice, just never an easy, peasy choice. Do I kill off twenty thousand people to preserve a timeline and exterminate a race that has just as much right to survive as Humans? Do I drown the very last brood of newborn Racnoss and help send another race into extinction? Do I push the button to destroy not only myself but a fleet of Sontarans because they believe in death before dishonor? Well, that particular choice was taken from me by a foolish, but brilliant schoolboy who I instructed to do something clever with his life, and in the end, he did. Then there was the Titanic. Not the one from Earth, the spaceship Titanic. But like the original Titanic, thousands of lives were lost."

"Was that your fault?"

"No, but I probably could have saved them if I could have gotten someone to listen to me in time."

"Everyone died?"

"Managed to save three. Oh, and everyone still hanging around spending their Christmas in London. But that was only possible because others sacrificed themselves to buy me more time. That seems to happen a lot. Also, there's the year that wasn't... millions of deaths there."

"The year that wasn't?"

"Yeah. See, I allowed the TARDIS to be stolen by a madman and he used it to create a paradox machine in which the Earth's future mutated race came back in time and decimated 1/6th of the world's population... for fun."

"But it was the year that wasn't. That means you were able to repair the timeline and make it so that none of that happened, right?"

"Most of it. But... people still died. And people still suffered. Martha and her family...." His voice trailed off, not wanting to revive those particular memories.

"So, of all those choices you had to make, tell me, would you go back in time and choose differently?"

That was a question he had asked himself over and over again. In each life or death situation he found himself in, he always wondered if he had made the right choice. But making the choice the first time around was difficult enough, so he certainly wouldn't want to put himself into that same position a second time.

"It's okay. You don't have to answer that," Rose rescued him from having to come up with a response, for which, he was truly grateful. Rose took hold of his hand as she rested her cheek against his arm. "You know how soldiers go off to war to fight for freedom and to protect those who can't protect themselves? They know that killing is wrong and they know that they might get killed themselves, but they're put into a position where they don't have much choice. And then, there's the General, the man who has to lead the soldiers into battle. He knows he's sending his troops out into danger and that some of them might not make it back alive, but he sees the bigger picture. He sees all that was, all that is and all that ever could be. His knowledge can save the world, the universe and everything else. And there'll be casualties, yeah, soldiers and civilians alike. But without him, the battle would be lost from the start and there would be nothing left at all, not even hope."

Rose's voice soothed him more than her words, but he listened and tried to believe in them. He tried to believe that the soldiers and civilians that had followed his lead had not died in vain; that their deaths had meant something other than failure. He bowed his head despairingly and let out a deep sigh.

"I'm so very tired, Rose. I just want to stop and rest. Can't I just stop and rest?" He felt a kiss touch his temple followed by a whisper in his ear.

"Yeah, you can stop now. You can rest."

"Thank you," he murmured wearily.

Rose rubbed his back for a moment, then had a thought. "Tell you what, why don't I go run you a bath? Have a nice, hot soak. How's that sound?" She received only a nod in response. "All right then, just sit tight and I'll be right back."

While Rose went into the bathroom to begin running the water for his bath, the Doctor peeled off his jacket and tossed it aside, then toed off his trainers. The thought of undressing any further seemed like far too much work. He flopped backwards on the bed and closed his eyes for just a moment. Twelve seconds later, he was sound asleep.

_To be continued._


	3. Chapter 3

**Not Quite Him - Part 3**

Not wanting a perfectly good tub of hot water to go to waste, Rose chose to treat herself to the bubble bath that had been intended for the Doctor. She had been worried at first when she came out of the loo and found him unresponsive. She thought back to his previous regeneration where things went a bit wrong and he became ill. She placed a hand on his forehead to check for a fever, but his temperature appeared to be normal. If it was anything like the last time, waking him might cause serious problems. Hopefully, all he needed was a nice, long nap and then a cup of steaming hot tea for healing the synapses.

As Rose allowed the hot water to warm and soothe her tired limbs, she tried to sort through the myriad of thoughts and images filling her mind. Her Doctor had deserted her. That was the number one issue she had trouble dealing with. Number two was the fact that he had refused to tell her that he loved her even though he supposedly did. Yeah, he loved her all right. Just had a funny way of showing it is all. How many times now had he sent her away, purportedly for her own good? If it had been any other bloke, she would have gotten the message loud and clear. He said that he wouldn't leave her the way he had left Sarah Jane Smith all those years ago. But that's exactly what he did, time and time again. Left her to run after Madame de Pompadour, left her to go sightseeing on an impossible planet, tricked her into the TARDIS and shipped her back home from the Game Station, slipped a transport disk around her neck to send her to Pete's World, and now this. It all added up to him not wanting to be with her as badly as she wanted to be with him.

Staring blankly at the mass of tiny white bubbles covering her skin, Rose thought back to that moment when she transported onto the street where the TARDIS had been parked. She had spotted the Doctor before he saw her. Donna must have told him to turn around. When he did, it seemed to take forever for him to register who the blonde running towards him was. Once his brain finally kicked into gear, it was just like one of those cheesy endings in a romantic chick flick. Only it didn't end the way the scenes in the movies always ended. She never got the chance to leap into his arms and be spun around while they kissed fervently. Instead, he had been shot by a Dalek, and her heart had nearly ceased to beat at the sight. How cruel was the universe to let her get that close to him, then in the blink of an eye, snatch him away. Fortunately, he was a Time Lord with a few more lives to spare. She had been so relieved when he didn't regenerate. She was sure she would have continued to love him no matter what he had ended up looking like, but she had grown so attached to his present face and personality, she just wasn't ready to switch to something new.

Her Doctor had always been known for pulling off the unimaginable, so when the TARDIS reappeared back on the Crucible after having been destroyed, Rose wasn't too surprised at seeing the Time Lord step out of the doors, even though he was also being held prisoner beside her. She merely assumed that he was performing a bit of fancy time travel rescue. But listening to the Doctor/Donna ramble on, it soon became clear as mud that the look-alike Doctor in the blue suit wasn't just a future or past version of the brown-suited Doctor. He had been created by some weird union of the Doctor's old severed hand, some excess regeneration energy and a normal human woman named Donna Noble. So there were suddenly two identical versions of the Doctor and one female version. All weird and impossible, but totally cool. Rose was sure she had been looking at the makings of a very happy ending to the search for her long lost Doctor saga. After the Daleks had been destroyed and the planets returned to their proper time and place in the universe, all that was left was to enjoy the long-awaited reunion. Instead, Rose had been kicked out of the Doctor's Companion Club with the lame excuse of needing to look after the new, half-human Doctor.

Well, at least she had done what she set out to do, to find a way back to the Doctor. Her parents and Mickey had tried to warn her that even if by some miracle she was reunited with the Doctor again, things might not be as they once were between them. He may have moved on with someone else and might not want her back. She didn't want to listen to them because she had been certain he loved her just as much as she loved him and that once he had her back, he'd never want to let her go again. Apparently, she was wrong. Perhaps it was like the other Doctor said, maybe her real Doctor did love her and just wanted to keep her safe. But that wasn't how it felt. It felt like abandonment. He had walked away without so much as a hug or a "Have a fantastic life," so it was hard to accept the fact that he truly loved her.

Okay, on second thought, maybe he did love her. He just wasn't "in love" with her. Big difference. If he had been in love with her then he would not have let anything stand between the two of them staying together. Perhaps he really did fear being the cause of her demise and that her death might be one too many for him to handle. But on the same note, he had placed her in a similar situation. The half-human Doctor she was left with had no extra lives to cushion his existence. An unforeseen tragic accident or severe illness could easily leave him dead and Rose empty-handed. "It's not fair," she murmured softly. "You should have given us a chance. I know we would have been happy together. All of us."

Maybe she hadn't tried hard enough. Perhaps she should have kissed him while they were still back on the TARDIS and let him know what she wanted. There had been so many people around and so much going on earlier, but maybe if she had just pulled him aside for a moment and snogged him senseless... She had worked so hard to find a way back to him, to live happily ever after with the man of her dreams, but it seemed as though fate had other ideas in store. Rose fought back the tears threatening to fall. There was no point in crying over what could have been. Best to pick herself up and move on with her life. There was still the other Doctor to consider. He basically was the same man, same face, same voice and mind. Most importantly, he wanted to be with her and wasn't afraid to show his true feelings. She should be happy with her consolation prize.

The suds had all disappeared and the water had turned cool by the time Rose finally left the bathtub. She toweled dry her pruning skin, then wrapped herself in one of the hotel's thick, white, oversized robes, tying the belt securely before stepping out of the bathroom. She had half expected to find the Doctor awake, or possibly even gone, but there he was, still on the bed asleep in the same position he had been earlier. Rose checked him for signs of a fever once more and sighed in relief when the results again were normal. She looked across at the empty bed a few feet away and decided that it was too great a distance to walk. She climbed onto the bed next to the Doctor, resting on her left side, bending her knees and propping herself up on one elbow so that she was just at the right angle to gaze down at his face.

It was the first time since the healing sleep of his Christmas regeneration that she had watched him slumber. She wasn't sure he had ever slept after that day. He was always awake whenever she was. She assumed that he only catnapped and woke at the slightest sound or movement, or maybe he just got a little mental nudge from the TARDIS. She had asked him once if he ever slept, and his response was, "Of course, I sleep. Just don't make a silly habit of it like you humans." Now that he was half human, she wondered if he would develop silly human habits like sleeping, eating and going to the loo on a regular basis.

Perhaps it was merely because he was sleeping, but Rose thought that he looked slightly younger than the real Doctor. Technically speaking, he was indeed younger than the other one, not only because he had just burst into being less than 24 hours ago but also the hand from which he had sprung had only been a few hours old when he lost it. Rose grimaced at the memory of seeing his hand being sliced off, thinking that he would have to get some kind of artificial mechanism to replace it. But he surprised her and everyone else when he magically grew a new hand, his "fightin' hand," he'd called it. That was the moment she had fallen for the brown-suited Time Lord. Even before the brown suit went on, she had accepted him as her real Doctor. Now she was expected to do it all over again, accept a copy for the original one.

Her fingers gently began to stroke the fine hairs on his bare forearm. It was something she'd never had the opportunity to do because he had rarely worn short sleeves around her. She'd catch a glimpse of flesh sometimes just as he was putting on his dress shirt or jacket. It seemed to be a part of how he kept himself closed off. He'd only reveal so much of his body as well as his personal life, like when he mentioned he was a father once, then said nothing more on the subject. This new version was more open, willing to discuss his feelings and allow his vulnerability to show through instead of pretending that everything was just fine when it wasn't. Rose reached down and placed her fingers into his open, relaxed palm. His hand felt warmer now, having naturally acclimated to their surroundings. When his fingers started to curve around hers, she assumed it was purely out of reflex until she heard him murmur her name in his sleep. His peaceful expression became a tense scowl. When he called out her name a again, Rose squeezed his hand tightly.

"It's okay, Doctor, I'm here," she spoke softly at first, but seeing that his anxiety seemed to be growing, she shook him and called out louder to wake him. "Doctor!"

His eyes popped opened and he looked about in confusion. "What...? What?"

"Sorry, didn't want to wake you, but it looked like you were having a bad dream."

He stood up quickly and began a short pace around the room. "Right," he breathed out heavily. "Of course, just a dream. That's all it was."

"You seem really upset. What was it about?"

"Oh, nothing much." He stopped pacing in front of the dresser mirror, taking the time to study his reflection.

"Doctor?"

He spun around at the sound of his name and put on his casual, there's nothing wrong at all face. "I'm sorry. Did I wake you?"

"No, I wasn't sleeping. Still kind of early."

"What time is it?"

Rose was shocked by the question. "Did you just ask what time it is? You never ask the time. You always _know_ the time."

"Of course, I know. I'm just... a little disoriented at the moment. How long was I asleep?"

"Been about an hour."

"Really? Is that all? Feels much longer."

"Sleep is like that," said Rose, changing her position on the bed so that her back was against the headboard cushioned by a pillow, and her arms crossed over bent knees. "Sometimes I can sleep for a few minutes and it feels like hours, but when I wake up after a few hours, it feels like I just closed my eyes. So, what was your dream about?"

The Donna part of his brain kicked in, encouraging him to confide in his best friend. He sat at an angle on the edge of the bed, facing her. "I was dreaming that I regenerated and became this very small, shriveled up, ancient, old man. And you... you couldn't handle the change, so you left me."

"But I would never leave you. Don't care what you look like."

"You seemed pretty concerned that I was going to change into someone else back on the TARDIS."

"Well, yeah, I was concerned. I mean, this face..." she reached out and caressed his cheek for just a second. "This is what I've been dreaming about all along. Wasn't ready to trade you in for a completely new model. But even if you _had_ changed, I would have still stayed with you. I meant it when I told you I'd stay with you forever. _You're_ the one who was always leaving me behind or sending me away." The Doctor opened his mouth, ready to explain, but she waved away his attempt to comment and said, "I get why you did it. Why _he_ did it; trying to protect me and all. But it still hurts. When I first came here, I still had hope that you would find a way to get back to me. And then you did but it was only for two minutes to say good-bye forever. If two minutes was the very best you could do, then it was truly hopeless. I'd never see you again. And I was so miserable after that. I used to wish I could just erase my memories so I wouldn't keep thinking about you all the time."

"You wanted to forget me?"

"I thought it would make my life easier here. I was going to see about finding a hypnotist."

"But you didn't."

"No. Because I met this woman named Mrs. Lindsey. She was an older lady who rang our doorbell one day because she was lost. She suffered from Alzheimer's disease and couldn't remember where she lived. Turned out she was from right around the corner and she used to be an international news reporter. She had led this really fabulous life, traveling all over the world, covering special events and interviewing famous and important people. She even found time for marriage, kids and grandkids. She truly led a wonderful life. But then she became ill and couldn't remember any of it. She has a husband she's known for over forty years, and most days she doesn't even recognize him. It's so sad. And it made me think. I realized that the time I spent traveling with you, was special. All the places that you took me and all the aliens we've met...it really was the most fantastic life you showed me. And instead of wishing I could forget, I should be thankful that you came back that night and mentioned that your ship traveled in time."

"Yeah, you should," the Doctor agreed. "I usually don't make a special trip back just to ask someone a second time if they want to travel with me."

"So why did you do it for me?"

"Because, apparently, I already had."

"How's that?" Rose scrunched up her face in confusion.

"When I left Earth after you turned me down that first time, I soon discovered a recording I had made for myself at some point in time telling me that I should go back for you. I didn't bother to give myself any details, but I was quite adamant that I give you a second go. So I did."

"And I said, 'yes'."

"And you said, 'yes'."

"And even when it was terrifying or dangerous or sad... it was still the most wonderful time of my life."

"Mine too," the Doctor smiled.

"And I just wish..." Rose shook her head dejectedly. "Oh, I don't know what I wish. It's just that...he's gone and it hurts."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize. It's not your fault."

"I know, but I still feel..." He felt responsible because he had known of the intentions of the other Doctor to leave her behind. He knew her heart would be broken once again, and he did nothing to warn her or prevent it from happening. Instead of telling her that, he chose a different route. He took hold of her right hand and smiled thoughtfully. "You, Rose Tyler, have such an effect on me. You cause me to think with my heart instead of my brain, and the consequences of that..." Again, he lost the ability to verbalize his emotions.

"You really do love me, don't you?" Rose concluded.

The whole room seemed to brighten with the beaming smile that lit up his face. "Oh, yes!" he replied enthusiastically. "Yes, I really, really do love you. Yes!"

Rose couldn't help but smile at his unbridled honesty. Their eyes locked and held for a moment, and what started out like an invitation to kiss, instead segued into an awkward moment of neither of them knowing what to do next. Rose looked away first, pulling her hand from his grasp and letting it slide back into its earlier position while her gaze shifted to stare at the fabric of her robe. The Doctor continued to watch her, realizing that although he had professed his undying love for her, she had failed to reciprocate.

"You don't feel the same way about me, do you?" he asked, unable to hide his disappointment.

"I didn't say that," Rose uttered softly, keeping her eyes averted.

"No, you didn't. Still..."

"It's just that... I waited so long to be with him again. And yeah, I get it, you're him, and I suppose I should be okay with that, but..."

"No, no. I...I understand. Yes, I'm the Doctor, but I'm just not _your_ Doctor. Suppose it's kind of like when I used to be the Doctor with the big ears and prominent nose and I regenerated into the skinny Doctor with the wild hair. You didn't like me very much to start. You wanted your old Doctor back. And even after you accepted the fact that I was still him, I could see it in your eyes from time to time that you were still missing the fellow with the short hair and blue eyes. And now, this time, things are a bit different. Even though the face and body look the same, you and I both know I'm not the same man. So it's okay for you to feel... well, whatever it is you're feeling. Seems like everyone has been making decisions affecting your life without bothering to consult with you first. The Doctor assumed you would be better off in this world with me, your mother assumed you'd want to share a room with me, and I... well, I assumed..." He assumed that she would accept and love him as is, because the alternative was too painful to consider. "Well, no point in assuming," he spoke the thought aloud. "I'll just ask." He took a deep breath in preparation before asking the question.

"Rose Tyler, what is it that you want?" He watched and waited as Rose merely shook her head, reluctant to answer the question in words. The Doctor gave her a gentle nudge of insistence. "Tell me what you want, Rose. Please."

Tears began to fill her eyes and stream down her cheeks as she struggled to get the words out. "I...want... I want my Doctor," she cried. "I want the TARDIS, and I want things to be the way they use to be. Me and the Doctor traveling in the TARDIS. I just want my old life back!" The tears flowed freely as Rose grabbed a pillow, hugged it to her chest and pressed her face into it.

"Right." No surprise there. And there didn't seem any point in continuing the conversation. The Doctor thought of pulling her into his arms to comfort her, but the pillow she was hugging was probably meant to keep him at a distance. Nothing he did or said would be helpful at the moment and he thought his mere presence was adding to her grief. Leaving seemed a good option. He stood up and went to grab his jacket off the chair where he had tossed it earlier. "Look, why don't I just give you some time to yourself."

In response to his suggestion, Rose merely changed her position on the bed from sitting up to lying on her side facing away from him, still clutching the pillow tightly. As quickly as he could, the Doctor silently prepared to leave by slipping back into his jacket and shoes. There was a noticeable click when he turned the handle to open the door. He paused and glanced back over his shoulder at Rose. He opened his mouth to say either, "Good-bye, Rose," or "I'll be back later." Since he really didn't know which it should be, he snapped his mouth shut and simply left the room without a word.

_To be continued._


	4. Chapter 4

**Not Quite Him - Part 4**

"You can't seriously be thinking what I know you're thinking."

"I _have_ to do it."

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I do. You've seen the current timelines. You know what's very likely to happen."

"But sending Rose back home... that's not the answer."

"She'll be with her family."

"_We're_ her family."

"No. We're her traveling companions. She has a mother, father and little brother who belongs to another world, and she belongs with them."

"If she had wanted to stay on Pete's World... well, she would have _stayed_ on Pete's world. She never would have tried like crazy to find a way back to us... to you. From the very beginning, she's risked everything just to be with you. And now that she's finally back on the TARDIS, you want to send her away?"

"I want to keep her alive."

"We can do that. Both of us together. We can protect her."

"I used to think that. I used to believe that I could keep Rose safe. But how many times have I placed her in the direct line of danger and nearly gotten her killed? How many times has she risked her life to save mine? I was selfish in wanting to keep her with me. Selfish to keep any of them with me. I've caused them all so much damage... Sarah Jane, Mickey, Jack, Martha... Donna. They've all suffered because of me and they would have all been better off if they'd never ever met me."

"I didn't hear any of them complaining."

"No, they wouldn't. They're good people. I owe them all so much more than my weak apologies."

"And you owe Rose more than just a one-way trip back to Pete's World."

"It's for the best. She deserves more than I can ever give her."

"You give her all of time and space. You educate her, give her reasons to be amazed and delighted. What more could she want?"

"I also give her reasons to be terrified, appalled, and to run for her life. I think of it as a game. But it's a game where losers don't survive."

"Rose thrives on that kind of stuff. She's fearless."

"Yes, she is. That's one of the traits that attracted me to her in the first place. She has this great spirit and compassion for others... She's a sweet, perfect little human being, and I'm lucky to have spent time with her. But now, the Rose era of my life has come and gone. Time to move on."

"You're willing to toss her aside just like that?"

"I'm not tossing her aside. Look, I shouldn't even have to explain myself to you. You should already get what it is I'm trying to do here."

"Oh, I get it, all right. I understand perfectly what you're on about. I just don't happen to agree. Rose is smart. You shouldn't keep trying to make decisions for her. Why not let her decide for herself?"

"Because we both know what her choice will be. I have so much blood on my hands already and I don't want to add Rose's name to the list. I used to fear having to watch her grow old, wither and die. But I now know that she'll never survive that long. She stays with me and before you know it, I've gotten myself in some sort of stupid life or death situation, and then Rose will do what Rose does best. She'll put herself in peril, do whatever it is she has to do in order to rescue me. And now, with you around, that means there will be twice the opportunity for things to go badly, and twice the need for her to step up and put her life on the line trying to keep the two of us alive. Let me know if you still disagree."

"All right, I'll give you that. But realize, Rose is madly in love, both with you and the whole traveling in time thing. Whatever amount of time she has left, be it a few days or weeks or months, you know that she'd rather spend it with you on the TARDIS than anywhere else in the universe."

"Yes, I do know that. But I want her to live more than a few days or weeks or months. In the immortal words of the highly logical Mr. Spock, I want her to, 'Live long and prosper.' I want her to look back on her life some fifty or sixty years from now surrounded by her grandchildren and great-grandchildren, telling them about all the wonderful things she's done. And maybe she'll just happen to remember that brief span of time when she traveled with a loudmouth alien who called himself the Doctor. Is it so wrong for me to want that for her?"

"No, it isn't. And truth be told, I'd like that for her as well. But, I'm fairly certain that if you leave Rose behind on that beach again, it'll destroy her."

"Not if you're there to look after her."

"Me? You want... Right. Of course, that would make it easy for you, wouldn't it? You abandon Rose and get rid of me at the same time. Do I frighten you that much?"

"One of me let loose in the universe is bad enough."

"Are you still on about what I did to the Daleks? It needed to be done. Their total destruction was the only sensible course of action left, otherwise everything would be gone."

"That should have been _my_ call to make, not yours."

"So you're going to punish me for robbing you of your chance to be the hero?"

"I'm not punishing you. If anything, I'm rewarding you. You get to live the rest of your life with Rose. Of course, the downside of that is that you get landlocked with Jackie as well. Still, I don't think that's really a bad thing."

"Easy for you to say."

"I suppose I am taking certain things for granted. I assume that you still love Rose Tyler and want to be with her. But you have some remnants of Donna's mind floating around in your brain now. Maybe you don't even feel the same way for Rose anymore. So I guess I should ask. Are you still in love with her or not?"

"If I said I'm not, would you let me stay on board the TARDIS?"

"Try it."

"No."

"No, what?"

"No, I'm not... I don't... I... Okay, my feelings for Rose haven't changed. Yes, I love her and I don't want her to leave. I don't want to leave either."

"I know you don't. And I'm sorry, but you can't stay. My mind's made up."

"So, I imagine that groveling would be useless then?"

"Pretty much. I would appreciate it if you didn't make this any harder than it already is."

"Of course. By all means, let's make it easy for you."

"You know how I feel about Rose. I can't even remember the last time I've loved someone as dearly... she's..."

"I'm sorry... I know what it is you're going through. But you realize there's no guarantee that she'll accept me. She's not going to just instantly forget about you and happily settle for what's become of your severed right hand."

"You're me. For all intents and purposes, you're the Doctor. You have to believe it yourself and you have to make sure Rose believes it. You may not be able to give her the stars, but you'll be able to give her so much more than I ever could. Let her know that. Play your cards right and you two can live a long and satisfying life together."

"Can't imagine it's going to be that easy."

"Maybe not. All I know is that I've got the truly hard part. I'm the one who has to let her go. All you have to do is make her happy."

"Right. That shouldn't be hard at all... And what about you?"

"What _about _me?"

"What's going to happen after you've taken care of Donna? You'll be alone again, all on your own."

"Yeah... well-l-l... won't be the first time. Probably won't be the last. I'll be fine."

"Liar."

"Okay, so maybe I won't be fine right away, but... I'll manage. Always have... And so will you."

That was how the conversation had gone between the two Doctors. It had been a silent communication done in a scant 2.3 seconds of mental contact. Their passengers standing nearby around the console, had no idea what had just transpired. Donna could have been brought in on the conversation but they had chosen to block her mind out. If she had been allowed her input, things would have most likely ended differently. She would no doubt have been in Rose's corner and would have fought passionately to keep the blonde on board. Not only because she knew how much the Doctor loved her but because it would have been great to have another female on board, someone she could pal around with. Perhaps if Donna's fate had not already been written, the decision to send Rose back home would not have come up. It would have been a nice little family, the two Doctors, the Doctor/Donna and Rose. With the three of them looking after Rose, traveling through time and space would have not only been grand but much safer as well.

Poor Donna. He really would miss her. Even if there were a version of her on this planet, he didn't know if he'd have the heart to approach her. The Time Lord had waited until after their arrival to Pete's World to telepathically let Donna in on his decision to leave Rose behind. Before she could utter aloud a single word of disapproval, her mind was assaulted with an almost thunderous, "DON'T!" It was enough to make both of the half-human Time Lords flinch. One look into the Doctor's stormy, dark eyes and it was easy to see that he would abide no argument. Donna exchanged looks with her direct counterpart and got the strong impression that if she caused trouble, she might just find herself left behind on the beach as well. So Donna played it smart and did what she could to help sell Rose on the idea of staying behind and growing old with the new, half-human Doctor. She was truly brilliant, Donna was, way before she had become the means to his existence. It was a shame she was going to lose that brilliance along with all her memories of travel with the Doctor. Knowing her, she would probably rather die than lose all trace of what she had gained during the past year. And knowing the mind of the alien who wore the brown suit, he knew that Donna didn't stand a chance of getting her way.

"You were brilliant, Donna Noble. You really were. I'm going to miss you, Earth Girl."

Images of what were and what could have been continued to fill the Doctor's head as he stood alone on the terrace of the hotel overlooking the Atlantic ocean. At least, he assumed they called it the Atlantic. He'd have to familiarize himself with his new home world. The night sky above looked pretty much the same. He'd need a high-powered telescope to get a better view. Alas, that was probably the only way he'd ever get a close look at the stars again. Despite the amount of technology this world possessed, especially in the communication field, sadly they had no desire for high-speed travel. He noted the distant lights of a couple of slow moving Zeppelins, one flying over the sea, while a second one headed towards a mountain ridge to his right. "You'd think somewhere on this planet someone's working on the plans for a rocket to the moon, or at least a twin-engine airplane," he mumbled to himself. "Suppose I could do it." Perhaps he could get a job with Torchwood. "Blimey, a job," he cringed at the thought. Still, he would need money to survive and working at Torchwood would get him the bonus perk of being surrounded by useful technology.

He was probably getting a wee bit ahead of himself. Getting a job at Torchwood depended upon how things worked out with Rose. He had known from the moment he stepped out of the TARDIS and onto the beach that his life was about to drastically change. He instantly saw his new timeline divert into three distinct possible destinations. The one that was more rewarding and which he was ardently rooting for, had him and Rose living a fairly domestic life filled with work, mortgages, dirty diapers, recitals and graduations. But that existence was balanced nicely with world travel, exploration and some highly intriguing scientific discoveries.

The second timeline was not quite so favorable. It was one in which Rose would not give up on getting back to the original Doctor. She would remain good friends with her replica Doctor, never allowing their relationship to blossom because she still felt certain that someday she would be reunited with her true love again. "Mickey," he whispered the name softly to himself. He would end up becoming Mickey. And like Mickey, he would remain by her side like a faithful puppy, just hoping for the day she gives up her quest for the unattainable and settle for what's right in front of her. It was doubtful that either of them would ever find real happiness.

"I'm so sorry, Mickey," he finally apologized to the young man whom he had treated so badly. Mickey was a good man with a kind heart and he had deserved so much better from the both of them. At least Mickey would be able to get on with his life now that he was no longer on the same world as Rose. Hopefully, he'd find someone who would truly appreciate all he had to offer.

No, he didn't want to be Rose's new Mickey, although he could easily see himself falling into that role while hoping and waiting for her to get over the other Doctor. If he didn't want to turn into Mickey and Rose wouldn't accept him as a proper love interest, then there was the third timeline to look forward to. He would leave. He would walk away and never look back. He could see himself hitching rides throughout the world, living by his wits, occasionally making new friends - hopefully without making new enemies - and helping others whenever he could. For the most part, it would be a lonely existence, pretty much like his old life except he wouldn't have a spaceship and he wouldn't have Rose. "Oh, don't like the sound of that." Those last two timelines were unacceptable. The long saga of "The Doctor and Rose Tyler" deserved a fairytale ending, and somehow, someway, he was determined to make it happen.

_To be continued._


	5. Chapter 5

**Not Quite Him - Part 5**

It was a long night for Rose. After the Doctor left the room, she tossed and turned for more than an hour and eventually cried herself to sleep. As she slept, she had one dream after another, all centered around the Doctor, both the old one and the new. A jumble of images flashed through her mind and had her running for her life, marveling over astounding sights, meeting all forms of alien beings, menacing robots, handsome blokes and terrifying entities. But the last dream left her wide awake and thoroughly shaken. It was a simple vision of both Doctors leaving her standing alone on the beach as they walked away from her and into the TARDIS.

Before closing the door, the blue-suited Doctor hesitated at the entrance. "If you want, I can stay here with you," he offered.

Rose shook her head and replied, "You're not the right one."

"No, I'm not quite him," he uttered sadly, then retreated quickly into the spaceship, shutting the door securely.

Rose finally gained control of her muscles and launched herself at the TARDIS, banging uselessly on the door, begging to be let inside as the engines started up and the blue box faded away. She fell to her knees in the sand, sobbing uncontrollably and screaming for them to come back.

Rose awoke fully and sat up in bed, wiping away the real tears streaming down her face. "Doctor?" she called out but got no response. There was a knot of fear in her stomach as she wondered if he had left her as well, never to return. She leapt off the bed and scrambled to get dressed. She thought about calling her mother's room to see if the Doctor was with her, but it was doubtful that he'd go there. More than likely, he was roaming around the hotel seeking out hidden alien conspiracies. As Rose stepped out of her room, she half expected to find the alien hybrid in the blue suit loitering outside in the hallway, but was met with only a barren corridor. She walked down to the end of the hallway and pressed the button for the lift. She was prepared to wait a bit but the elevator dinged and the doors opened almost immediately.

Inside, the Doctor sat on the floor, leaning with his back against the right side wall, his legs crossed and arms folded across his chest. Surprise registered on his face when he looked up to see Rose stepping into his temporary home. "Oh, hello. Going down?" he asked.

"I was just... looking for you, actually."

"And you did an excellent job of it."

The doors closed and Rose glanced at the two rows of four buttons. "What floor should I push for?" she asked.

"What floor would you like to visit?"

"No, I meant, which floor were you headed for?"

"I wasn't."

"What? You mean you were just hanging out here in the lift?"

"You'd think it'd be much bigger on the inside. However, the mirror finish does provide a slight illusion of greater depth. The ride's not all that bad either, much smoother than other similarly shaped boxes, but sadly only one-dimensional and bi-directional."

"Are you comparing riding in a lift to riding in the TARDIS?"

"Of course not. That's silly. I was comparing it to riding in the mini-sized, multi-directional transport pods found on certain intergalactic public transportation space stations."

"Oh." Rose leaned against the opposite wall with hands clasped behind her back. "So, is this where you've been since leaving the room?"

"No, only been here a few minutes. I've been roaming around the hotel a bit. Spent some time chatting with Fredric the doorman. He caught me up on local news and weather. Told me about the best places for fishing around here. I may take up fishing. He made it sound like great fun. Anyway, after him, I bumped into a lovely young newlywed couple, Sven and Helga Norden. Childhood sweethearts they were. They invited me to join their wedding reception going on in the restaurant. Sven and his family own a dairy farm just down the road a bit. This hotel buys all their dairy products from them. So don't let me forget, there's a case containing a lovely variety of cheeses they're holding for us in the kitchen. Oh, then I met this older couple from Lubbock, Texas: Billy Bob and Wynona Gibbs. They're here celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. You see, some of Wynona's ancestors were originally from Norway, and she's always wanted to visit the birthplace of her great-grandmother. So Billy Bob and the six kids surprised her with this trip. By the way, they own the best little steak house in all of Texas, so if we're ever in the area, we should stop by for the tastiest and tenderest slab of beef we'll ever sink our teeth into. On the house, of course, free of charge.

The Doctor finally stopped to take a breath, offering up a bright smile to go with his news of free cheese and steaks. Rose's lips turned upwards as well. She shook her head slightly in amazement that he had made so many new friends in such a brief amount of time.

"You make friends so easily."

"Not friends, really. Just passing acquaintances. Might not see any of them ever again. So... what about you? Feeling better? Rest well?"

"Tossed and turned mostly. Did a lot of dreaming. I dreamt that you and the other Doctor both left me. But before leaving, you offered to stay with me if I wanted you to. That wasn't quite enough for me, so you went off in the TARDIS with him. And I was alone... When I woke up and saw you still hadn't come back to the room, I thought maybe..."

"I wouldn't do that to you. I wouldn't leave without saying good-bye."

"You wouldn't leave without saying good-bye," Rose zoned in on the obvious implications of that statement. "But you _would_ leave?"

"Not planning on it, but if you don't want me around, yes, I would leave."

"Why wouldn't I want you around?"

The Doctor hesitated for a moment before answering the question, then suddenly blurted out, "I don't want to become Mickey."

"What? What do you mean you..." Rose's voice trailed off as she took a moment to sort through his words. "You don't want to become Mickey," she spoke softly with realization setting in.

"He loved you so much. He always did everything you asked of him, including helping you to get back into the arms of his rival. I couldn't do that. I can't be him."

"I didn't ask you to."

"I know, I know... I'm just..." Afraid of saying too much, the Doctor clamped his mouth shut and looked away.

Rose studied him for a moment, then slid down to a sitting position. "There's this other dream I had," she began softly. "It's one that I have a lot. I dreamt that you used the TARDIS to go back in time to when the fissure between the parallel worlds was wide open and stable. Then you came forward in time to find me. Only it was always after I'd been here for a good number of years and I was much older. You couldn't quite get the timing right. That dream always made me wonder... could you have done it back when I first got trapped here? Instead of just showing up to say good-bye, could you have gone back in time and come across for me?"

"Too dangerous. You forget that when we came here the first time, we crash landed. The TARDIS was severely damaged and it was only by sheer luck and a few years of my life-force that I was able to get her going again."

"So why didn't we crash this time?"

"More pilots with better control and a carefully chartered course. But the real reason for not even attempting it before was because... losing you the first time around was hard enough. I only came to say good-bye so you wouldn't spend the rest of your life pining away and waiting for me to return. So, by the same token, the other Doctor won't ever be coming back for you, Rose. Trust me on this."

Rose remained silent, taking it all in. There was only one more question she had on her mind concerning the Doctor who had abandoned her.

"What's going to happen to him? If he loves me as much as you say-"

"He does."

"Then how is he going to get on? Is he going to miss me forever, or is he going to forget me? Is he ever going to be truly happy?"

It was a hard question to answer but he decided he'd try his best. "Come here." He held out his hand to gently guide her over to sit close beside him. He wrapped his arms about her, letting her head rest upon his chest and their hands intertwine. "Yes, he is going to miss you," he began, his voice just above a whisper. "No, he'll never forget you. You'll be on his list of top ten people he will never, ever forget. He'll dream about you now and then and certain things will remind him of the times you've shared together. When he thinks of you, he might want to shed a tear or crack a smile. He'll wonder if he made the right decision in leaving you here and, more importantly, if you'll ever forgive him for doing so. He'll convince himself that you'll be fine, that you'll be happy with me, and that you'll end up having a fantastic life after all.

"For him, time will pass and the pain of loss will lessen. There will always be other companions, even though he may occasionally think it's not worth the pain or effort. They'll be inexplicably drawn to him or he will be drawn to them. Some won't hold a candle to you while others will surprise him with their brilliance. It may take months, years, or no time at all before he finds reason to laugh and smile again. Eventually, there will be someone whose hand will fit perfectly into his and make him feel the way that you made him feel. There will be beautiful planets to explore, wild adventures to be had and remarkable history to be witnessed. It will never be exactly the same as it once was, but there _will_ be life after Rose Tyler."

Rose let out a soft sigh. "It would be kind of big-headed of me to think otherwise," she said. "He... you got on pretty well without me before, didn't you?"

"I coped. Kept busy."

"With Martha Jones?"

"Martha was amazing!" said the Doctor, unable to keep the admiration he felt for the woman out of his voice. "Very much like you, she saved my life the first day we met. And several times after that. I nearly got her killed on a number of occasions, but luck was with us just when we needed it most." His voice turned somber as he recalled more about his relationship with Martha. "I'm afraid I was rather cruel to Martha though. She fancied me from the very beginning and I knew it. I never intentionally tried to lead her on but you know me, I can't help but give big hugs and hold hands. She read more into it than I meant. I also hurt her because I couldn't let go of your memory and your name came up quite often. If Rose were here, she would do this, or Rose would say that... I'm surprised the poor girl put up with me for as long as she did. Finally had the good sense to walk away and live her own life... Still, we had a few good adventures together. Took her to meet William Shakespeare. She really loved that."

"I can imagine. I really loved meeting Charles Dickens. Well, except for the Gelth and what happened to Gwyneth."

"With Shakespeare we had witches to deal with. Or rather an alien race known as Carrionites who practiced a sort of witchcraft and was using Shakespeare's gift with words to open a portal to let the rest of their clan in and take over the Earth. Interesting how many alien cultures want to concur Earth for their own personal gain. Very few seem content to just come visit, tour the sights and take home souvenir T-shirts. Oh well... does get better a few thousand years down the line. Have you seen much alien action on this Earth?"

"No alien invasions to speak of. There have been UFO sightings and reports of secret spaceship crashes in the U.S."

"This planet isn't making itself known like back home. No trips to the moon or space probes sending out virtual neon signs saying, 'We are here. We are defenseless. Come enslave us and steal our abundant natural resources.' Safer that way."

"Is that why he thinks I'll be safer here?"

"One of the reasons. Also, it's like your mother says, he does go looking for trouble. Sometimes trouble just finds him, but more often, he tracks it down."

"Guess I was becoming addicted to finding trouble, too. But, I didn't really think of it that way. For the most part, I thought it was fun."

"Yes!" the Doctor agreed enthusiastically. "Yes, it was. Dangerous, exhilarating and a total blast! I loved it! Well, except for when people I cared about got hurt, which, unfortunately occurred far too often."

"Suppose you're going to miss traveling in the TARDIS?"

"Yes," the Doctor sighed heavily. "It's more than just the traveling though. It's that psychic bond she and I shared along with the connection to my home planet. She was all that I had left."

"And you gave her up just to be with me?"

"To be honest, I was given about as much choice of leaving the TARDIS as you were."

"Really? I thought you stayed just because you wanted to be with me."

"I _do_ want to be with you. But I wanted us both to stay on the TARDIS. The Oncoming Storm had other plans."

Rose lifted her head from his chest so she could look into his eyes. She saw the truth of his words and the depth of his emotions.

"He can be very cruel at times. That's the one thing that's always bothered me about him."

"Sometimes one has to be cruel to be kind. Tough love, I believe they call it."

"Do you hate him for making you stay behind?"

"Oh, hate's a very harsh word, isn't it? Hate, hate... Mmm, well, seeing as I've got to give it so much thought, I suppose I don't hate him for what he's done, only because I understand the reasoning behind his actions. On the other hand... I am hugely disappointed because... there were three of us, Rose. Three Time Lords. Doesn't matter that we were all basically the _same_ Time Lord. What matters is that for the first time in ages, I could sense the presence of others of my kind. I wasn't alone up here anymore," he gave a gentle tap to his temple. "And even the TARDIS was happy. I could hear her singing with such joy. It was wonderful! But it was far too brief, and now... it's all gone quiet again."

The Doctor fell silent as well, his thoughts temporarily lost in the emptiness he felt. It took a moment to notice the hand squeezing his in sympathy, and a soft voice uttering, "I'm sorry," in his ear. He nodded in absent acknowledgement of her words, then suddenly jerked back and leapt to his feet, pulling Rose up with him.

"Ooh! We have to go. Don't want to miss it," he said as he pressed the button on the panel for the lobby.

"Miss what? Where are we going?"

"Not far."

When the doors to the lift slid open, the Doctor held tight to Rose's hand and began running through the deserted lobby, past the lounge and up to the automatic glass doors leading to the terrace.

"What are you up to?" asked Rose smiling in anticipation as the doors opened wide.

"You'll see."

They strolled past an assortment of potted plants and lounge chairs to the edge of the terrace. With his hands on her upper arms, the Doctor had Rose face him for a moment, then he suddenly turned her in the direction of the beach, keeping his right arm draped around her shoulders. Rose glared out at the deserted beach shrouded in darkness, then glanced back at the Doctor in confusion.

"What?"

With one finger, he guided her chin to face the beach again. "Keep watching."

Twenty more seconds passed and just as Rose was beginning to lose patience, she saw the sun breaking over the horizon, beaming bright rays of light in its ascent. The dark blue sky began to lighten and the thick, puffy clouds hanging over the ocean turned several shades of pink and gold.

"It's lovely," said Rose with a warm smile curving her lips. "You've got your time sense back."

"Of course. I was only temporarily disoriented when I woke up. Had plenty of time to reset myself."

"Lovely though it is, what's the big deal? It's not like I haven't seen a sunrise before."

"Yeah, but you've never seen one with me."

Rose looked at him, ready to correct him on that until she realized it was the truth. This was a brand new Doctor with a brand new body who had yet to experience all that the world had to offer.

"New, new you," said Rose, remembering back to the time he had regenerated from the big-eared Doctor and how she had begun to accept his new appearance.

A large smile stretched across the Doctor's face. He tilted his head to better make eye contact, wiggled the fingers of his left hand at her and beamed a cheerful, "Hello."

Rose timidly returned the very familiar greeting. "Hello."

"Did you miss me?"

Rose nodded with a shy smile. "A bit."

"Only a bit? Awww... Well, I've missed you great big, heaping gobs!" The Doctor turned his back to the sunrise to lean against the terrace railing, positioning himself directly in front of Rose. He took hold of her hands as he continued his lighthearted banter. "I have this big Rose Tyler section of my brain where I store all the remembered smiles and inquisitive questions and acts of kindness I've witnessed you bestow upon the remarkably fortunate. My adorable, brave, brilliant, beautiful Rose. Ooh, except for the word adorable I was on a nice 'B' roll there. Blonde! Yes, how could I possibly forget blonde? My blonde, brave, brilliant, beautiful Rose."

"You're a goofball," Rose grinned.

"Oh good, you remembered!"

The smile on Rose's face suddenly dimmed considerably. "I know what you're doing. You're trying hard to prove to me that you're still him."

"No. I'm trying hard to prove that I'm still your Doctor. I'm not him, but I _**am**_ your Doctor, Rose. The same one you promised forever to. And the only real difference between the other Doctor and me is that my forever matches yours now. Well, that and the fact I don't have a remarkable spaceship that's bigger on the inside and travels in time. However, I do have..." He let go of her hands so he could reach inside his jacket and pull out his sonic screwdriver. He held it up proudly and happily announced, "this!"

"Oooh, this Earth had better look out now," Rose faked being worried but couldn't help but grin a bit.

"Right you are. I'm a half-human Time Lord with a giant brain, a matching ego, a wild imagination and a strong desire to beat gravity at its own game. All I need is a partner in crime. So whadda ya say? You and me, huh? Just like old times. No, not quite like old times. No time travel, and no space travel. At least not to start out. But I have ideas to remedy that. May take a while. But in the meantime, there's probably plenty of interesting places to visit on this planet, good times to be had, and interesting people to meet. I've already met a few them, in fact. And at least we know there'll be some tasty steaks awaiting us in Lubbock, Texas. So, yes, is it? Please say yes. Don't make me beg. Oops, too late. Sorry, don't want to seem too desperate or needy or -"

"Stop!" Rose held up a hand to put a halt to his babbling. "Just... stop."

Startled, the Doctor instantly ceased his rambling sales pitch. He had expected a willing response from the woman in front of him, but was disappointed by the sudden, negative outburst accompanied by a somewhat indecipherable expression on her face. As he put away the sonic screwdriver, he allowed his gaze to shift down towards his feet. He was rubbish at this, trying to talk people into being with him when it was obvious they'd rather be elsewhere. Either he was trying too hard to impress, or nothing he said or did was bound to make a difference. Rose didn't want him. And as he contemplated between becoming a Mickey replacement or leaving for parts unknown, a tender, feather soft touch caused his chin to lift upwards. He found himself looking into a pair of warm, sparkling brown eyes.

"You twit," she said with and affectionate smile.

The Doctor shook his head in confusion. "What?"

"You had me at, 'Hello.'"

A few seconds passed before his brain deciphered the meaning to her words, then another few seconds elapsed before he remembered to breathe. "I... you... Hello?"

Rose nodded, a wide, bright smile illuminating her face. She stepped in closer to the Doctor and took hold of his hands to wrap them around her waist, then placing her hands on either side of his head, she drew him in for a kiss. It was nearly identical to the one she'd given him on the beach after he'd whispered those words she had longed to hear. This kiss lasted longer than the previous one because there was nothing to draw her attention away from him. They both took their time, savoring the warmth and tenderness of the moment, then pulled away only when the need to take a breath became more than just a suggestion.

"So I'm guessing this means that you... that you..."

"I love you, yeah," Rose told him what she knew he wanted to hear.

"And you're not saying that just to make me feel better, are you?"

Rose shook her head and gave his lips a quick peck. "I love you... my Doctor."

He squeezed his eyes shut trying to stifle the onset of tears but was only partially successful. He pulled Rose into a tighter embrace, practically crushing her to his body. Even though it was making it slightly difficult for her to breathe, she didn't complain. She merely wrapped her arms around his back, holding on as tightly as he was and rocking him gently in an attempt to provide much needed comfort and reassurance.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," he chanted almost too softly for her hear. They were the only words he could manage to formulate, having been overwhelmed by sheer happiness. The other timelines he had been dreading, instantly disappeared from his mind. His life had only one direction to take and that was hand-in-hand with his blonde, brave, brilliant, beautiful Rose. After a few moments, he was finally able to get a hold of his emotions. He kissed Rose on the temple as he loosened his iron grip on her and went back to just holding her hands.

"Sorry, didn't break anything, did I?" he asked, looking her over for signs of distress.

"No. I'm fine," Rose responded reassuringly.

"Good. That's good." The Doctor's expression brightened as a new thought gave birth. "So, I guess this is the official beginning of our courtship."

Rose looked up at him, grimacing and grinning at the same time. "Courtship?"

"Did I say something wrong?"

"No, it's just that courtship, that sounds so... so ancient."

"Well, you do recall that I'm over 900 years old? Slight age gap you and I. But you're right. Let's see... we're uh... boyfriend and girlfriend?" This time the Doctor grimaced. "Oh, but that sounds so junior high school. The Doctor and Rose, sittin' in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g. Ooh! Sweethearts! We can be sweethearts. No! We can't use sweethearts. That's your mum's pet word. What about lovers? No, no... lovers makes it sound as though we're sneaking around behind someone's back. So Romeo and Juliet, tragic, star-crossed lovers. Wait... Yes! A couple! We're a couple. Nice and simple. Did I mention that people always assumed that Donna and I were a couple? Never could understand that. And we always had to explain-"

Again Rose had to take matters into her own hands and decided to cut her new beau's rambling short with another kiss. Luckily, he didn't argue. In fact, he thought that kissing Rose Tyler made far better use of his mouth than talking. And while his lips were occupied, his brain began multi-tasking. He thought of all the distant stars and planets he had visited, the past and future events he had witnessed and the extraordinary alien beings he had encountered. He flashed through the faces of all the companions he had traveled with, lingering on the ones he'd gotten killed or left somehow damaged. Then he reflected upon the countless deaths he had caused and the untold lives he had saved. He wondered if his good deeds had outweighed the bad, and if indeed he was worthy of a golden-haired reward. Finally, he thought about the Time Lord in the brown suit, Rose's true Doctor who sacrificed his own happiness to give them a new life together. He silently vowed to make sure that his predecessor's sacrifices would not have been made in vain. The Doctor and Rose Tyler began as an adventure, became the stuff of legends and will end as an ordinary couple spending the rest of their lives being fantastic together.

**The End**

Thanks for reading!


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